Research This Government Waste

As some people struggle without their winter fuel allowance, reading that the Government is wasting far more money than they save from those cuts may make you angry. Hopefully that rage will help you keep warm.

The Taxpayers’ Alliance claims that £6 billion were wasted on pointless research projects. UK Research and Innovation, a government quango, has distributed that money to help universities answer various questions.

Without research we wouldn’t know vital information that could be the foundation of Government policy. It all sounds very worthy until you read about some of the research projects our tax money has bankrolled.

£200,000 of taxpayers’ cash was spent on a study into the environmental impact of Star Wars. I know there’s a scene in the original film that takes place in a trash compactor but it doesn’t seem to be the biggest issue facing humanity. If you add to that the fact that Star Wars is fictional it seems like a waste of money.

Maybe they’re thinking about all the plastic that went into making the merchandise and after the prequels came out many fans would have thrown their collections away. That would have ended up in landfill.

That money pales into insignificance when compared to £1.7 million of our money spent on a research project called Decolonisation, Appropriation and the Materials of Literature in Africa and its Diaspora.

Whoever commissioned that will need to spend a few more thousand to find out what that title even means.

£811,000 went on research into how the sustainable lifestyle of Romani Gypsy communities can help combat the environmental crisis. Even when the results are in, what can you do with that information? Recruit more?

If you want to test if research is worth doing, simply ask yourself, “Would a local radio DJ read this out on air?” From my years in broadcast I have found loads of pointless research in the newspapers to turn into a phone in. I can already imagine me saying, “Which recycling bin would you put C-3PO in?”

I happened to discuss this topic with Kirsty Buchanan, a former adviser to Theresa May, when we were both guests on a current affairs show. She is someone who was active in Government when this kind of research would have been commissioned. She said that while some research projects sound spurious much of what is looked into is important and useful when making policy. She also questioned whether the figure of £6 billion is accurate.

How will we ever find out? I suppose we could ask the Government to commission some research into it. I’m sure they have some money to waste on it.

» Read the source story

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An Actual Safe Space

Labour had promised to get migration down, smash the gangs and reduce the number of hotel rooms being used to house asylum seekers. A quick check in will tell us migration is high, 20,000 asylum seekers have now crossed the Channel since Labour came to power, and the number of hotel rooms being used has increased. So, what's the plan for the civil servants in charge? Work even harder? Don't be silly, you brute. They are to be given a 'well-being room'.

It's to help with their mental health and anxiety. But its grand opening was moved from a Monday as most civil service staff are working from home on Mondays. I thought that was done for your mental health and anxiety?

A staff email said, "Whether you’re feeling stressed, a little anxious, or just need some alone time, the new well-being room is here for you."

What you have to love about this idea is that it is a room that you can go in on your own, close the door and that will stop other people going in with you. It has a border and that border can be closed. It is controlled. These are new ideas for the Home Office.

It also says, "Equipped with furniture and kitchen point facilities, it has what you need to take a break from your desk."

But your desk is equipped with a computer and a phone and the ability to get some work done.

I'm all for having great mental health and no anxiety and I am also all in favour of people getting their jobs done, especially when they're at work. That room could be used in a better way. It has a kitchen and a place for a little nap. Sounds like it could house someone while they're waiting for their asylum claim to be processed. There you go, I reduced the hotel numbers by one. This is easy.

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Korean Soldiers Kept Busy Online

There’s worrying news that North Korean soldiers are fighting for Russia but thankfully they may have their hands full. The Koreans are hooked on porn after being given unfettered internet access for the first time.

It’s understandable. We got dial up internet when I was in my teens, so it was a hell of a time. It wasn’t all MSM messenger and Geocities sites back in the day.

These are people who live in a country where they don’t have access to adult sites. In 2015 the country introduced sweeping bans on the world's largest porn sites like PornHub, YouPorn and for some people, Age UK.

These soldiers are then sent to war where they get all of the internet. They’d be innocently Googling for some war related stuff like “massive bazookas” and the next thing you know the afternoon’s gone.

It does offer an interesting battlefront. With the election of Donald Trump and the fears that he could do as he promised and end the war in Ukraine but by saying, “Here you go, Putin,” Europe may need to find a way to offer support.

If we know that some of the troops are hooked on porn let’s offer them even more to keep them out of action. Ladies, don’t worry about sending arms, you should be sending something near your arms but not quite.

The more T&A we can fill the internet with the more you’re helping to defeat Putin’s invasions. The West needs you to post those nudes. It will help keep us safe.

It might not actually help at all but that is a risk I am willing to take.

» Read the source story

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[PODCAST] Frasier Sells a Boat

Here is another little remainder that (almost) every weekday we have a podcast that covers the news, free and around ten minutes long, to easily fit into your busy day of listening to podcasts while you pretend to be working.

In this episode we're covering the big news...

Frasier sells a boat
Why we shouldn't put clocks back
Proof that cats are clever but they don't care if you know
Why one actor shouldn't get "Sir-ley"
And something about Halloween garlic

Go on, treat yourself to a subscribe.

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Why Does Boots Hate Men?

I have a strained relationship with Boots the chemist. I remember the teenage phase where I was embarrassed to buy condoms and that isn’t a problem any more. Now I’m much older I’m as happy to buy psoriasis creams, girdles or Preparation H in full view of anyone.

The adverts that Boots puts our still have the power to annoy me. While out for a walk I was listening to the radio and heard the latest offending offering.

In this ad we have a women saying that sometimes she needs time to herself while we hear her children in the background. I have sympathy with that. As I work in the evenings most of my days involve being the main carer to my two children. It can be quite draining. Just the other day my two-year-old boy asked, “Where does my sister come from?” I didn’t think I’d have to have that talk with him yet. I wasn’t ready to tell him where babies come from. I’d planned to Google it first as I’m not sure I really know all the ins and outs.

I bought myself some time by answering, “In her passport it says she’s British.”

Then we hear what we presume is the father taking the kids out while shouting, “I hope your work call goes well.”

We then hear a bath stop running and the mother get in while she laughingly says, “Maybe I should tell him I have this work call every week.”

I’m sorry, what have we just witnessed? Boots promoting lying to your spouse? Being the annoying man that I am I asked the question, “What would it be like if the genders were reversed?”

Thankfully that’s already been answered. In the 2007 comedy film Knocked Up there’s a subplot with Paul Rudd’s character who has been saying he has to work late. His wife follows him, fearing he’s having an affair, but he’s been sneaking off to the cinema to have a little downtime. The couple then separates.

So, if he lies to get some R and R it could end the marriage but if she does it it’s OK and Boots will be there to help?

Both versions are wrong. You don’t have to lie and cheat to get some rest. You could simply say to your partner, “Is it OK if I have a bath later?” I’m sure they’d say yes. It can be hard enough to keep a relationship together with the pressure of young children without Boots acting like a devil on the shoulder of one, saying, “Go on, lie to him. You deserve it.”

I’m not sure why Boots wanted to run an ad that supports lying to fathers of young children. We shop in your stores too.

Maybe I’m missing the obvious and along the pharmacy, shop, opticians and film developing they’re opening up a new Boots divorce lawyers soon.

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Why Did Labour Release Those Prisoners?

Following part one of the current Government messing up (read all about both parts here) the Telegraph ran a story with the headline:

‘I’m a lifelong Labour voter now’: Prisoners praise Starmer after early release

One inmate said the scheme was a good idea. On the one hand, of course they would say that. Most of the people being released who aren't homeless are going to be happy about it. If you are shocked by that you have never seen a prison break film.

The way the Telegraph, any many other papers with a similar story, have written it, they’re trying to stir the poop. What are they saying? “I bet Labour only did this to get more voters?”

Let’s have a little think. We’re chronologically the furthest point from another election. This is the worst time to be recruiting new voters. Ken Clarke has always said the moment right after an election is the time to be unpopular, but even he must look at the way Labour have played it and thought, “Yeah, but don’t take the piss with it.”

Do you need to convince people in prison to vote for Labour? I’m not trying to be nasty but surely if you’re in prison you’re more likely to be a Labour person than a Tory person. That’s correlation not causation. If you’re from a less well off background you might be more likely to be driven to a life of crime. Also, if you do the kind of crimes Tory voters do you don’t go to prison. You pay back the tax you should have paid crack on with your life.

And would you risk losing so much national popular support to go after the former prisoner vote who might not be the most likely to get out there and vote anyway. Some criminals don’t vote in every election because they’re busy doing a 5-stretch, but I’m not sure they’re the most dependable voter block.

It’s just a snide way for the newspapers to imply a sinister motive behind Labour’s move other than a failing prison system.

The proof that it isn’t a conspiracy is in the newspaper article. The convicted drug dealer, who was freed from prison under the Government’s early release scheme, said on Tuesday that it had made him “a lifelong Labour voter”.

Keep doing drugs and that won't be very long.

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Warning Labels... On Food!?

Smoking in the UK has reached some impressively low levels. There are about 6.4 million adult cigarette smokers in the United Kingdom. It's still way above the levels in 1586 just before Sir Walter Raleigh come home with a lot of duty free but it's still nice to see it drop.

It's hard to pin down the exact reason that we are smoking less. It could be the cost. It could be social pressure. It could be because you have to ask the shopkeeper to open a dodgy cupboard to hand you your packet like you're a sad old perv in an adult shop wanting a specialist item. It's probably a mixture of all the anti-smoking policies brought in, which will include the warning pictures on the packs.

For years, if you bought some smokes, you were given a small picture of what one of your body parts would look like if you carried on smoking. It's such a popular idea that we may see it on other products.

Campaigners are now saying we should using hard-hitting warning labels on food that can make you fat. The obvious choice would be pictures of naked obese people but using those images as a cautionary tale would seem offensive to the larger-boned community.

It also could require making the food packets larger to fit the picture on, which might mean larger portions, more people gaining weight, and the cycle continues.

All of these plans to tackle the UK's growing growing sideways problem think education is the key. If we could only teach people that healthy food is healthy for them and junk food is bad we'd have a nation of slim folk again. But I doubt there is anyone who doesn't know by now. If you walked up to anyone in the street and showed them a burger and a carrot everyone would know which could make you fatter. It's not that part of our brains that instructs us to eat.

This is evident when you have a GP telling you that you need to lose weight while his gut wears his shirt like a bank robber wears tights. These GPs sometimes have the audacity to use the phrase, “We need to do something about this BMI.” You're left thinking, “I'd better do something about it. I'm not sure you have a good track record of winning that fight.”

There's no way these GPs lack education on healthy eating habits but the information isn't enough to beat the cravings.

A warning label system is already effectively being used with the traffic light symbols you'll find on food. Sadly, it doesn't take long till an unintended response to the badges kicks in. If you pick up a pack with at least one of the salt, sugar or fat categories earning it a red light there is some part of your brain that knows it can look forward to a little treat. If you're holding something that's green across the board you know you're still going to be craving a snack five minutes later.

The one area where this could work is in forcing the manufacturers to change. We greedy, lizard-brained punters won't be slowed down by a warning label but if you're in the business of making a foodstuff you might not want to have to pop a skull and crossed bones on it. You might tweak the recipe instead. This is similar to how to sugar tax on fizzy drinks didn't lead to only the rich being able to have a Fanta, but the drinks having less sugar in general.

The British Heart Foundation, who floated the warning label idea, is also proposing other action to tackle the UK’s increasingly bad diet. We could see a ban on junk food firms sponsoring sport.

Currently energy drinks Carabao is linked to the English football’s League Cup, McDonald’s sponsors the Football Association’s youth football development programme, and KP Snacks are an official team partner of the Hundred cricket competition with the slogan, “Cricket – You'd have to be nuts to sit through this”, probably.

Surely sports sponsorship is the best case scenario. The people who are being tempted with bad foods are also being shown inspirational scenes of fit people being active. The other end of the spectrum would be burger restaurants sponsoring mobility scooter dealerships. That's the area where real damage will be done.

It's not the first time such ideas have been proposed but it's the first time in a while that a Labour Government has been in place to hear them. This is an administration that's been in power 1.29 Liz Trusses and already we have heard of beer garden smoking bans.

The goal is a good one. Something needs to be done as heart conditions have moved up the ranks of most common cause of death. This will have been caused, in part, by the number of smoking-related deaths dropping off. We could drive heart disease back down the league table without cutting our junk food intake if only we could get more people smoking again.

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Is Silent Praying Thought Crime?

Isabel Vaughan-Spruce, a woman arrested after praying outside an abortion clinic, has received a payout from police. She received £13,000 from West Midlands Police. The annoying this is that it really means she received £13,000 from the tax payers, because that’s where the money comes from ultimately.

They settled her civil claim "without any admission of liability", but if they had her banged to rights you would have assumed they wouldn’t have dropped the case. That’s not really how the police work.

The big question is can you tell that someone is praying silently? If you can it still breaches the exclusion zone near the clinic. If you can’t then how will anyone know who to arrest?

And how does the distance work? Surely you could pray from anywhere seeing as the one you’re praying to is omnipotent. It feels like there could be a solution to this that keeps everyone happy and means we don’t need to pay out tax payers’ dosh.

Here’s a section from a recent TV spot covering the story.

@mrstevenallen

Arrested for praying... silently?

♬ original sound - Steve N Allen

» Read the source story

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Prisoners & Pensioners: Labour’s PR Fail

This Government has walked into some avoidable traps. How do they not see this coming?

1,700 prisoners will be released early. It’s because of prison overcrowding and it’s not like they could have built many prisons since July 4th when Labour got in power, so while this could be all about the previous lot’s failing, Labour have managed to really own this.

Only prisoners given a prison sentence of less than 4 years will be eligible to be released at 40% of their term rather than the 50% stage when they would have been let out anyway. That’s a maximum of 4.8 weeks difference, but they haven’t pushed that angle at all.

Some Gov.uk figures show that around 25% of prisoners reoffend anyway. That’s the normal rate before this scheme was brought in, so there will definitely be some reoffending. But when it happens now it will be all over the newspaper front pages. A story that wouldn’t have even made the newspaper inner pages will be the biggest political story in town. “Labour’s Lawless Legacy” or something like that.

Meanwhile the MPs were busy voting on cutting the winter fuel payments from pensioners, depriving them of between £200 and £300 a year. Today is also the day when the news tells us the state pension set to rise by £460 next year. You don’t have to be a whizz at maths to see how you could spin that story.

Frame the debate as “should ALL pensioners get winter fuel payments” and all you need to do is argue about what the cut off point should be and you’ve won. Using the Pension Credit boundary as the means test is the problem. Somehow Labour have managed to really own this move and let it be framed as them hating OAPs because the old folk vote Tory.

Each year there are tens of thousands of deaths in the winter where cold is considered a factor. Again, not one of those stories would make it into the papers, but this winter as soon as the papers find one case the front pages will be screaming “Cold Keir Killer Crisis” or something like that.

If you are a Labour government you must know that most of the newspaper in the UK aren’t your biggest fans. They’ll be looking for you to slip up so they can write about how bad you are. The problem with thinking you’re doing the right thing is that you can be tempted to simply ignore those who disagree with you. It’s not party political, we could call that The Lizz Truss Effect, but why hand over such easy wins?

» Read the source story

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The Pope V Pets – Who Wins?

You see them on social media. People who post pictures of their dog that don't have the owner and pet vibe. They have a different feel. You look at the posts and think, “This is oddly familial.” There are undertones of parent and child, maybe step-child seeing as they probably don't have a genetic link. The vibe of parent and step-child isn't better; we all remember Woody Allen.

It turns out there is someone else who doesn't like these people. It's The Pope.

Pope Francis criticised couples who have pets instead of children. The Pope used the words, “This can't go well”. He has definitely seen pictures of doggy mommies who let their little pups kiss them on the lips. That really can't go well. David Beckham once caused an internet upset when people saw a picture of him kissing his daughter on the lips. That was innocent and, more importantly, it's unlikely that David's daughter had spent the afternoon licking her balls.

The Pope's angle is about people having more children. We see a lot of news recently about the falling birthrate but it is in the nature of every religion to promote its followers having many children. It's basic recruitment. If you are a devout follower and you have a child you will bring it up to be a devout follower. The church should get Michael Parkinson to send you a Parker Pen as a thank you gift.

The reason that all religions want you to go forth and multiply is because any religions that preached, “Thou shalt focus on having disposable income and holidays. Maybe just have a few cats,” wouldn't be around today to be counted.

This is meant in a nicer way than it will sound, but a religion telling you to have offspring is like a computer virus including the command to copy. Without that step it really wouldn't work.

The Pope was on a visit to Indonesia and praised those who had a large family while contrasting those to the childless couples who opt to care for cats and dogs. He didn't bother with any nuance. It's not always the case that every couple can have children. IVF can be expensive and it's not as if you're allowed to eat a child if you struggle in the cost of living crisis, so there are many things in the pro pets columns he's missing.

It's a theme he's been on for a while. A few years ago he told the story of a woman who asked him to bless her dog and he called that dog her “baby”. Francis said, “I lost my patience and scolded her.” So we're hoping it really was a dog and not an unfortunately hairy child who really needed a miracle.

Cats and dogs aren't the problem. The quadrupeds aren't replacing children. You can prove this by seeing a family that has children and a pet dog for example. The problem is money. We hear how hard it is for younger people to get on the property ladder. They live with parents into their thirties or rent a room in a house with other strangers. Both situations don't lend themselves to starting a family. You can't have a home birth with a birthing pool in the shared lounge of a houseshare. Someone will end up leaving a passive-aggressive note.

Yes, it can give you the ick when you see someone call a dog, “My baby,” but it's just a figure of speech that people use about their classic car or wine collection. It's hyperbole and doesn't have to mean the couple will never have children.

Don't blame the pets. Stick to handing out wine and telling people not to use contraception. Sooner or later those two will lead to a baby coming along.

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Why We Shouldn’t Care About MP Scandals

One thing that is synonymous with British politicians is scandal and for some reason it’s mainly sex scandals. Sure, they also have a history of taking money from companies to ask questions in the House of Commons but the one thing we know will happen is an MP will do something that’s naughty and get caught.

Who knows how many aren’t getting caught. If your place of a work had a subsidised bar you might also get caught out being a wrong ‘un.

With names like Chris Pincher and William Wragg being in the news for various pleasures of the flesh we ask if we should be surprised, and if we’re not surprised should we even care?

If an MP is arranging some sex meet-up is it any of our business? And if we didn’t judge those who do would it become impossible to blackmail someone for such an act?

Here’s part of an interview on Times Radio with Steve N Allen explaining more.

@mrstevenallen

Why we shouldn't care so much about politician's illicit scandals for our own sake. (From Times Radio)

♬ original sound - Steve N Allen

» Read the source story

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EE Says Don't Buy Phones

Are you addicted to your mobile phone? I am. I will probably check my devise several times while I write this. I’ll let you know the tally at the end but if I, as a fully grown adult with will power, can struggle to put it down how can we expect children to not be damaged by such technology?

The network provider EE made the news by telling parents of primary school children not to buy smartphones for their kids. At first glance it seems strange for a company to be telling potential customers to not buy their products. The full advice from EE also suggested that it would be better to buy them a non-smart device, a brick phone as they are called, that can only make calls, send texts and probably play Snake.

I’m sure your local EE outlet will furnish you with a burner phone although I’m not sure your kids need the same kind of phone that people smuggle into prison to commit crimes on.

There is a strong chance that this act of apparent commercial self-sabotage is exactly the opposite. If you’re in the business of selling something that people are starting to consider harmful to children, you might want to make it clear that you’re not in favour of letting the young ones get their hands on your kit.

There isn’t loads of data proving the harmful effects of phone use. Some research has found a link between screen time and disrupted sleep, which is quite serious for school children. Messed up sleep can impact the next day’s learning.

Some studies found a link between social media use and the mental health in teenage girls. I didn’t have access to Instagram when I was at school and I also wasn’t a teenage girl, but just the thought of having to deal with the mean girls at school who can use those apps to reach beyond the playground is terrifying. If I’m honest, I still cross the street to avoid a bunch of teenagers in case they pick on my trainers.

Even without lots of studies it feels like smartphones are too much for children. You must have seen it, if you’re out for a meal and the family on the table next to you put a phone in front of a toddler to sedate it. It works. They can tap on a phone for hours but that doesn’t feel natural. You’re secretly hoping the kid has found the right links to tap on to buy hundreds of pounds worth of games credits.

It is possible to bring up a child without giving them a phone because that’s how we were raised. I spent most of my childhood begging my parents to put a landline phone in my bedroom. Not a separate line, just a cable that let another phone be plugged in. I never got it but that’s for the best as I turn out as a painfully introverted type who hates speaking on the phone anyway, so it would have been a waste.

I managed to navigate childhood without having an array of apps in my pocket.

I have enjoyed the fact that maths teachers used to say, “You have to learn this. You won’t always have a calculator in your pocket,” and these days we do. But don’t buy your child a smartphone or a brick phone. Just buy a basic calculator. It’s safer and you can still have hours of entertainment typing 58008 on it. That is also the number of times I checked my phone.

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Amazon Delivers By Drone

People are predicting the death of the High Street… again. It’s not been well for a while but where else will you get your stuff? Oh, that’s right, the internet.

Amazon is preparing to debut what the newspapers have been calling its “futuristic new device”. It’s a drone. It’s not that futuristic. It’s what divorced dads have been playing with on weekends for years now.

The Amazon drone rollout is part of a test across various industries, including off shore wind and the police, to see if drone flying out of the line of sight of the operator can become part of day to day life.

So, it will either be the way that items are delivered to your door, if this goes well. Or, the way 17 people will be decapitated in the news tomorrow. Only time will tell.

Amazon is hoping to launch its Prime Air service in the UK by the end of this year. How will a drone be able to knock on your door or leave the parcel in a safe place? Let’s be honest, it won’t. It will be able to carelessly drop it over your garden gate, so it might replace the need for Evri drivers.

Amazon has already identified what it has described as a “lightly-populated suburban area” for its trial run. That area has not yet been made public. But if you live in a lightly-populated suburban area, maybe wear a hat.

There’s no point resisting. This is like the moment letters were replaced by email or the self-scan till come out. You can moan but you’ll be using it in a few years time. And there’s no point making an enemy of Amazon. They know where you live and they have drones now.

Meanwhile... oh, this is awkward, why not click on the sponors of this post, and, oh...

» Read the source story

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Oh, update!

After posting this on the site I was contacted by an expert on this topic. Here's the quote I was sent from Barbara Pareglio, Senior Technical Director, Smart Mobility Lead, GSMA on the role 5G technology plays in ensuring drone technology integrates safely into the UK airspace.

“Drones are helping organisations across industries from logistics, manufacturing, agriculture and public services to do tasks faster, safer and cheaper. And the role 5G technology plays in elevating drone performance is paramount. With 5G networks and wide area coverage, drones can operate beyond visual line of sight, opening up possibilities for multi-drone missions, automated flights, and improved cost efficiency for a range of commercial industries and organisations.

“When it comes to safety in automating deliveries and materials handling for logistics companies, 5G’s low-latency capabilities ensure seamless communication and mitigate risks to humans by providing relevant data like people density over the flight path. 5G also enables advanced communications and edge application hosting for better performances, as well as image and video traffic aggregation.”


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